I used to think I had a gypsy soul until I really met one.
As the daughter of airline employees, there was nothing more intoxicating to me than a jet roaring down the runway, the force of gravity as you took off at 165 mph, and then the release. When the wheels of the plane would hit the ground in a new place, adventure and the thrill of the unknown awaited me.
As a college girl, I’d head off to NYC for the weekend with 50 bucks in my pocket and a friend waiting. I can remember rollerblading through Manhattan, surviving off falafel & cheap pizza, and losing myself like it was yesterday. We laughed, walked on the edge, and most importantly, we lived. Travel and adventure have always been weaved so tightly into my soul that it’s hard for me to understand or imagine a life standing still.
Fast forward a few years and I found myself embarking on a new adventure – Motherhood. Being a mom was a confusing role for me to take on. I’m so fiercely independent, and to know that I created someone that I could never live without was quite frankly paralyzing. When I had my first son and returned to work – I will never forget the moment I knew I wanted to show my kids the world. The moment I knew I WOULD show my kids the world.
I was standing in an office I previously dominated, and I felt like I didn’t even know how to be me. I took a deep breath and continued to shove floor plans into the copiers.
As I’m standing there mindlessly making copies, a coworker came up and asked me how my baby, Ryan, was. We exchanged pleasantries and talked about my new son. Then, after a brief moment of silence, she asked me how I was going to deal with not being able to travel for the foreseeable future.
Like a child I said, “Oh, I still will.”
A smile full of wisdom glowed back at me and said, “You will see. You just can’t. A baby changes everything.”
I felt faint and utterly claustrophobic as the copy machine whirred in the background. My blood ran hot, then cold. My hands started to tingle. Was this it? That fucking book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” didn’t paint a picture I could see. Was she telling me the truth? A truth I wasn’t ready to hear?
I smiled and told her that we were going to see the world. She kindly challenged my naiveté and told me it wasn’t that easy.
Challenge accepted.
I grabbed my copies and went to my car. As I sat there, I cried and wondered how the hell I would ever do this.
Off the Rails with Kelly 